Should I See a Therapist? Ask Yourself These 5 Questions First
I remember how daunting it was to begin seeking mental health care for myself (yes, therapists also see their own therapists!). The confusion around where to start or who to contact was overwhelming. I sensed that something was off, a vague, hard-to-name discomfort that lingered beneath the surface. I realized I needed professional help to explore what was really going on.
Often, the signs of a mental health concern are subtle at first: disrupted sleep, low energy or motivation, or feeling trapped in your own head and unable to break free for a moment of clarity. I sometimes describe this to clients as feeling like a soda bottle that’s been shaken: pressure building until the shape distorts, the cap ready to burst.
If any of that resonates with you, you’re already in the contemplative stage of change and asking the right question:
Am I ready to begin the journey of healing?
Here are five essential questions to ask yourself before starting psychotherapy:
1. Is Psychotherapy the Right Path for You?
You’ve already identified that something doesn’t feel right, but is professional mental health care the next step? That’s a valid and important question. There are many routes to healing, and therapy might not always be the ideal first option.
If your concerns are situational like loneliness, social disconnection, or career stagnation then community support such as book clubs, sports teams, or a professional mentor may be beneficial.
However, if your struggles are harder to define, deeply personal, or persistent (especially if they’ve impacted relationships throughout your life), psychotherapy could be a powerful space to explore those patterns in depth.
2. Are You Looking to Change a Behavior or Gain Insight?
It might be both, but getting clear on your primary goal can help you find the right therapeutic approach.
If you're working on reducing a specific behavior like phobias, self-harm, or substance use, a therapist trained in cognitive-behavioral modalities (CBT, ACT, ERP) would be a great match. These methods focus on symptom reduction, skill-building, and practical tools for change.
If your focus is more insight-oriented such as exploring lifelong relationship issues, unresolved childhood experiences, or a sense of inner disconnection look for someone with training in psychodynamic therapy (e.g., IFS, Object Relations, Self Psychology).
3. Do You Prefer Short-Term, Goal-Oriented Therapy or Longer-Term, Exploratory Work?
This builds on the previous question but adds nuance, especially regarding time, cost, and depth of work.
Cognitive-behavioral approaches are often time-limited (8–12 sessions), with clearly defined goals. They’re highly effective for managing anxiety, depression, and behavioral issues.
Psychoanalytic and psychodynamic therapies, on the other hand, tend to be longer-term. These approaches explore unconscious patterns, developmental history, and relationship dynamics (like transference). Progress may unfold over months—or even years. That may sound daunting, but for many, this depth of work leads to lasting transformation. After all, challenges that took decades to develop may take time to fully understand and heal.
4. Is There a Specific Type of Therapist You’d Prefer to Work With?
As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, the most important factor in therapy isn’t the technique—it’s the relationship.
Finding a therapist you feel safe with is crucial. That’s why I encourage interviewing multiple therapists through consultation calls before committing. Look for someone with whom you feel a sense of comfort or resonance, something intuitive, often beyond words.
You may also want to consider cultural, religious, gender, or other identity factors when choosing a therapist. These can influence your sense of connection and safety in the room. Remember: it might take time to find the right fit, so don’t rush the process.
5. Are You Ready to Commit to the Process?
Therapy is not a passive experience. For it to work, you need to show up emotionally, mentally, and physically. That includes:
Attending sessions consistently
Being open and vulnerable about difficult topics
Applying insights and skills outside of sessions
We also need to recognize real-world factors such as systemic oppression, financial hardship, and chronic illness that can impact your capacity for change. These are valid, and therapy should hold space for them. But meaningful progress also requires effort between sessions.
And if you’re not sure you’re ready? That’s okay. Who you are today might not be who you are tomorrow.
There may be more questions that arise, but these five are a strong starting point. Many of your remaining curiosities can be explored in an initial consultation with a therapist.
Taking that first step, reaching out, can be intimidating. But it also takes courage. Wherever you are in your journey, know that you don’t have to do it alone.
